Podcast category:
Help for Pastors
How do you answer questions like: “Why can’t my female friend who is in love with her female best friend be able to get married biblically?”
I believe this question stems from what we believe is our life’s purpose.
The world can say the purpose of our lives is: “To have a family, find our person, get a nice car, nice house, have my own practice, be happy…stuff like that.” (Adapted from Christian Smith’s survey of 3,290 young adults in Lost in Transition: The Dark Side of Emerging Adulthood, pg. 93.)
The Church can say the purpose of our lives is: “To marry a good Christian, get a good job, make Christian babies, tithe and die. Oh, and something about glorifying God…”
What happens when we encounter questions about marrying someone of the same sex with this worldview?
“Oh, sure, your goal is to find a spouse–but not that gender!”
Friends? We need to repent and pivot to a kingdom-oriented purpose. How?
Here is how I am teaching my young kids…
Kids, bemoaning: “Why do we have to go to school??”
Me, swallows this easy response: “So you can get a good job and be a functioning citizen…”
Says instead: ““You have to go because God has a special job for you to fulfill the big purpose of your life and everyone’s life. Do you know what that is?”
Kids: “Uh, nope.”
Me: “Remember how God made the world and then Adam and Eve sinned, and now we have darkness in the world?”
Kids: “I am so mad at them for doing that!”
Me: “Yeah…it stinks. BUT! God has given you a special gift and task to push back the darkness and usher in the light.” [AKA: To advance the kingdom of God.]
Kids: *Eyes widen*
Kids: “So, you have to go to school to learn how do to the special job God has for you to push back the darkness and usher in the light.“
Kids: “Huh. Ok.”
It’s easier to say to the kids we disciple, “Please, grow up nicely so you can get a good job and get married so I can stop worrying about you and finally rest!”
But that’s not a gospel-mindset. It’s worldly. And when people come to us asking for our blessing on their same-sex marriages when we have such a just-get-married-and-get-a-good-job worldview, we are already argumentatively in the negative.
Before we encourage toward God’s design for marriage we must live out God’s purpose of our one lives:
We are to push back the darkness and usher in the light. We are to advance the Kingdom of God.
How can we walk well alongside our LGBT+ friends?
Let’s talk basics, big picture, and of course, the heart.
Thank you to Pacific Parable for hosting and filming!
- See Brokenness Everywhere
- Know it’s About the Heart
- Know Why You Believe What You Believe
- Speak the Language
- Earn Relational Currency
- Spend Relational Currency
To read more on this topic, check out this article Laurie wrote for The Banner magazine.
To hear Laurie’s story, and to learn the number one way you can advocate for God’s design for marriage? Check it out here:
Hey, guys!
Here are some of our favorite resources God empowered us to produce (with some awesome folks) this year!
10. BLOG Post: Temptation in a Pandemic: 5 Tools I’m Using
The pandemic hit and temptation skyrocketed for many (with things like porn use increasing over 11% globally). How can we stop staring at the temptation and dive into our hearts?
9. WEBINAR: Lament 1.0 and Lament 2.0
We are often asked how to do the lament process we lay out in our Impossible Marriage book or the Journey Well Study. These two trainings take written things to real life.
8. STUDY: Journey Well Study: Explore Your Deepest Needs and How to Meet Them
This one wasn’t created this year, but it continues to impact people wanting to dig deep into Core Needs and more–whatever their versions of brokenness. This study is ideally done with a friend or mentor so you can process together.
7. JAVA with Juli: When Staying Married Feels Impossible
This was one of our first interviews for our book. Juli asked the questions many asked us later–but she got the first, raw responses. Hear them here!
6. RELEVANT Magazine: Stop Giving This Relationship Advice
I mean, please? Can we stop? <3
5. THE BANNER: How to Walk Well Alongside LGBT+ People
When I was asked to write this, I asked the editors: “Are you ready for the backlash?” They were. They got some. But people and lives were also deeply impacted. Thanks for caring, guys.
4. HIMH Podcast: Tough Conversations with Friends with Stephanie Thole & Defining Stress and Success with John Mark Comer
If we are pro-racial equity, must we also be pro-same-sex marriage? Stephanie Thole helps us out. And let’s do some real talk about many of our drivenness to perform with the real deal: John Mark Comer. These episodes were two of our many favorites on the Hole in My Heart Podcast.
3. WORKSHOP: Impossible Marriage Workshop
After finishing this digital workshop, we hope you are inspired to do two things:
- Live the Metaphor: Married people will no longer dully recite “God’s design for marriage,” but will joyfully preach the gospel through their marriages.
- Cultivate Oneness: We want every married couple to understand that seeking marital oneness is not seeking better and more frequent sex, rather oneness is holistic union reflecting God’s union with us. Beyond knowing this cognitively, we will give married people the tools they need to cultivate oneness in areas that are thriving, and to increase oneness in areas that need more care.
All of the above is impossible without Jesus Christ. With Him, however? All marital impossibilities are possible. (We are, of course, not speaking of issues related to abuse. Those are justice issues that must be resolved with swift, God-empowered justice.)
2. PACIFIC Parable: The Number One Way You Can Advocate for God’s Design for Marriage
Our friends at Pacific Parable rocked this conversational talk. Thanks for letting us be a part of it!
1. BOOK: Impossible Marriage
What is the real-life purpose of marriage? What is the real-life purpose of sex in marriage? Can God work through our seemingly impossible marital situations–including addiction, childhood trauma memories, and lack of spousal attraction?
We believe in God’s work through this book so much…so, here it is. Praise Jesus and thank you to the team around us who made it happen.
That’s it! We honestly love and put so much into everything we do, and we would love to hear from you:
If you saw us take part in a project this year, what would you throw onto this list as a helpful resource?