January 19, 2018
Do you suffer from chronic pain of the soul?
I do.
Chronic soul pain (n): An ongoing, non-physical, internal ache.
We often like to finish our share time with friends with a happy “But God is good!” Or read blogs where there is a problem but a lesson learned. (Yay!)
But that’s not real life. Oftentimes, after we push “post” on Instagram or leave an in-person conversation, we are left with an ongoing ache: Longterm pain in marriage or singleness, an ongoing battle with anxiety, struggles with finances, a tough war with sinful behavior, or a wrestling with unhealed wounds of the past.
Our pain isn’t fixed. It isn’t past-tense.
If you are like me, you would prefer a nice clean break of a bone rather than chronic soul pain. We’d like to check “healed arm” off the list. We don’t want to stare at the unchecked “ongoing broken heart.”
I feel you.
And it’s okay that we are not okay today.
“Suffering is the textbook that keeps teaching us who we really are,” Joni Eareckson Tada said. “Suffering sandblasts us, strips us bare, strips us of our sinful ways, leaving us raw and exposed… [t]hat we might be better bonded to the Savior.”
Joni Earickson Tada said that. A quadriplegic said that. She hasn’t been able to use her arms or legs for decades, she recently walked through an intense battle with cancer, deals with chronic physical pain, and seeks Jesus’ heart through it.
Her body (and soul) are in process. Her pain is not past-tense. It is chronic.
Although she suffers way more than I do, I understand ongoing pain–even if it is non-physical.
Do you, too?
Why do we judge ourselves so hard for being (more than) a bit of a mess?
Chronic soul pain is only made worse by our judgment of it.
Words like, “I shouldn’t feel this,” or “I hate myself,” or “If only I wasn’t so…” take the weight of the “easy and light” burden Jesus talks about and make it unbearable.
It takes our eyes away from looking at Him though it, and makes us stare at our pain. Worship it.
The better way? Just notice it. “Yup. I have ongoing pain. I am holding Jesus’ hand even though it continually hurts.”
And then… if it is sin? Begin dealing with it gracefully. If it is a painful memory? Bring it to the Counselor and perhaps to the office of a wise human counselor. If it is something you can’t change? Surrender it to the only One with arms strong enough to hold it.
And then just sit. Be. Be in process.
And be in process with people.
Studies show kindness to one another in the midst of pain is the antidote to the pain. In the incredible book about the effects of trauma on a person’s body, The Body Keeps the Score, author Bessel Van Der Kolk says we need each other.
“Numerous studies of disaster response around the globe show that social support is the most powerful protection against becoming overwhelmed by stress and trauma” (Van Der Kolk, 81).
“I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one–as you are in me, Father, and I am in you.” — Jesus
“Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others,” Van Der Kolk said. “The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone’s mind and heart. For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow, we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love” (81).
We need to be known, accepted, and loved by each another. We need to reflect Christ’s knowing, acceptance and love of us while we are yet in process.
“Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” —Paul
I have chronic soul pain.
I think we all do.
Let’s stop pretending we don’t–and stop pretending while in community.
- Respond: To whom can you say, “I have chronic pain of the soul” this week? If you want to start somewhere, start with me. My email: lk@lauriekrieg.com. I’ll hear you. I get it. I can say “me too.”
- Listen: That quote by Joni Eareckson Tada came from a talk she gave called, “When God Allows Suffering.” It really ministered to me this week.
- Check: How do you know if you are worshipping your pain instead of God through it? Check out this “Idol-Detector Test.” It’s pretty incredible.
- Consider: If inside you do not feel ongoing pain but only chronic longing, you may be wishing for something we all desire: heaven. CS Lewis said it well: “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
- Read: I am slowly picking through The Body Keeps the Score as I work through my own ongoing pain. It’s been very helpful for me to understand how God wired us, how trauma affects us, and how God uses himself, his world, and his people to heal us–even if we experience chronic soul pain until heaven.
- Listen: “Be Still My Soul” is one of my favorite songs for when the pain is extra loud. I hope it ministers to your soul today.
